emotional egg
in the spirit of honesty, and i hoped to be honest for these posts, i am completely uncomfortable with how emotional i've been lately. it hasn't been difficult to comprehend. in fact, it's been quite easy. that's been the most difficult part, that i've been aware of what's been driving these emotional reactions. i've nearly cried twice in the space of 4 days (could've been a record).
in class last week, one of my favourite students (maybe 8 years old) almost made me cry. she's resilient (trying to think of a better term, but this is close enough) and always has a smile on her face. when she is punished, eg. sent outside for talking, she understands and stops talking when she's told now. no hysterics, no tears. so last week, she comes into class with her hand covering her mouth. doesn't move it. the class gives her grief, but she laughs away with everyone. we don't know what's happening until another student sees she has a black, rotten tooth, and tells everyone, who laughs and laughs. all of a sudden, this girl is staring daggers around the room and almost goes into tears. i'd never seen her do this. she's normally so placid and easy going. i was choking back something while her eyes welled up. she didn't cry, neither did i, but i was a smidgen away. hard to explain, easy to understand.
a few nights later, i was having a drink with my friend Lauren, a teacher at another school. she and i are pretty honest with one another, sharing quite a bit of personal stuff and actually dealing with disagreements etc as they come up. anyway, we had a complete miscommunication that was great/horrible to deal with. i said we should go have some fun, which, i suspect, made her think i didn't want to talk about serious stuff anymore (this is not what i meant). i thought she said let's just stop talking about serious stuff altogether, which made me think she didn't want to be my friend anymore (this is not what she meant). and the next thing i know, i'm a near blubbering mess.
i haven't been half the friend i can be to many many people, i am aware. i don't know what held me back from so many. fear, obviously, but i don't know what of. i think, when Lauren said whatever it was she said, i thought i was scum of the earth again. maybe i felt like this friendship was going the same way as many others have - something i do not want.
next thing i know, we talk it out. neither of us meant what the other thought we meant, and we dealt with it. basically, i'm becoming aware of just how much i enjoy honesty, even that which i do not intrinsically want to tell people, nor hear from others.
after a while, Lauren tried to order a fried egg and was told she could only order it with soju. nuts as that sounds, to get an egg, she had to buy hard liquor. we managed to order some at another restaurant that doesn't serve soju, although wondered if we should've bought . . . ah, you had to be there.
in class last week, one of my favourite students (maybe 8 years old) almost made me cry. she's resilient (trying to think of a better term, but this is close enough) and always has a smile on her face. when she is punished, eg. sent outside for talking, she understands and stops talking when she's told now. no hysterics, no tears. so last week, she comes into class with her hand covering her mouth. doesn't move it. the class gives her grief, but she laughs away with everyone. we don't know what's happening until another student sees she has a black, rotten tooth, and tells everyone, who laughs and laughs. all of a sudden, this girl is staring daggers around the room and almost goes into tears. i'd never seen her do this. she's normally so placid and easy going. i was choking back something while her eyes welled up. she didn't cry, neither did i, but i was a smidgen away. hard to explain, easy to understand.
a few nights later, i was having a drink with my friend Lauren, a teacher at another school. she and i are pretty honest with one another, sharing quite a bit of personal stuff and actually dealing with disagreements etc as they come up. anyway, we had a complete miscommunication that was great/horrible to deal with. i said we should go have some fun, which, i suspect, made her think i didn't want to talk about serious stuff anymore (this is not what i meant). i thought she said let's just stop talking about serious stuff altogether, which made me think she didn't want to be my friend anymore (this is not what she meant). and the next thing i know, i'm a near blubbering mess.
i haven't been half the friend i can be to many many people, i am aware. i don't know what held me back from so many. fear, obviously, but i don't know what of. i think, when Lauren said whatever it was she said, i thought i was scum of the earth again. maybe i felt like this friendship was going the same way as many others have - something i do not want.
next thing i know, we talk it out. neither of us meant what the other thought we meant, and we dealt with it. basically, i'm becoming aware of just how much i enjoy honesty, even that which i do not intrinsically want to tell people, nor hear from others.
after a while, Lauren tried to order a fried egg and was told she could only order it with soju. nuts as that sounds, to get an egg, she had to buy hard liquor. we managed to order some at another restaurant that doesn't serve soju, although wondered if we should've bought . . . ah, you had to be there.
posted by the Emperor Fabulous at 11:10 AM
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