chill baby
there's 2 kids academies and 1 Tae Kwon Do school in our building, so when kids are finished (hourly), all the teachers lead the kids from the 5th and 3rd floors to ground level. there's lots of kids all bent on getting outta there asap. i tend to run downstairs when i can, which the kids love.
on Wednesday, Grace (a 7 year old student of mine) was walking downstairs holding hands with her sister, Emily, who is in the kindergarten program. at a guess, i think Emily's either 3 or 4 years old. the general practice is for the kindy kids to use the elevator (the stairs are like Chinese motorways), but Grace obviously hasn't been told to. so, in the middle of this big wave of kids rushing downstairs, i picked up Emily and carried her to the ground floor. my class was yelling at me to run, but i ignored them and walked on down talking to Emily, who seemed like a young Buddha, at one with the universe. 'Yup, this big dude's carrying me. cool. why is the sky blue? hope mum doesn't try to feed me mashed pumpkin and tell me it's carrots again.' she wasn't fazed at all. she's been called the 'chill baby' at work.
Grace, Emily and my class all went on their merry way and i went back to my desk having a damned good think, as i really enjoyed carrying Emily down the stairs. i'm guessing it was the responsiblity i'd placed on myself. so, i wondered why I'm not a father.
i often tell myself the world's full of starved resources and is overpopulated, and there's no freedom to do what i want to do while being a parent. i sometimes wonder how people can handle being a parent, as what i see of it, there's a lot of not-fun times. but they pale in comparison to what i think is the real reason: i'm the most important person to myself and don't want to change that. explains, to a certain degree, why i'm single too.
picking up Emily wasn't really an option, it was what had to be done. for 3 minutes, Emily was the most important person to me. all of a sudden, there's a capacity for me to forget my self-importance, place it onto others. yes, Jebby, i'm shocked too.
i'm not saying i'm 'cured', but maybe a little more self-aware than i was on tuesday.
on Wednesday, Grace (a 7 year old student of mine) was walking downstairs holding hands with her sister, Emily, who is in the kindergarten program. at a guess, i think Emily's either 3 or 4 years old. the general practice is for the kindy kids to use the elevator (the stairs are like Chinese motorways), but Grace obviously hasn't been told to. so, in the middle of this big wave of kids rushing downstairs, i picked up Emily and carried her to the ground floor. my class was yelling at me to run, but i ignored them and walked on down talking to Emily, who seemed like a young Buddha, at one with the universe. 'Yup, this big dude's carrying me. cool. why is the sky blue? hope mum doesn't try to feed me mashed pumpkin and tell me it's carrots again.' she wasn't fazed at all. she's been called the 'chill baby' at work.
Grace, Emily and my class all went on their merry way and i went back to my desk having a damned good think, as i really enjoyed carrying Emily down the stairs. i'm guessing it was the responsiblity i'd placed on myself. so, i wondered why I'm not a father.
i often tell myself the world's full of starved resources and is overpopulated, and there's no freedom to do what i want to do while being a parent. i sometimes wonder how people can handle being a parent, as what i see of it, there's a lot of not-fun times. but they pale in comparison to what i think is the real reason: i'm the most important person to myself and don't want to change that. explains, to a certain degree, why i'm single too.
picking up Emily wasn't really an option, it was what had to be done. for 3 minutes, Emily was the most important person to me. all of a sudden, there's a capacity for me to forget my self-importance, place it onto others. yes, Jebby, i'm shocked too.
i'm not saying i'm 'cured', but maybe a little more self-aware than i was on tuesday.
posted by the Emperor Fabulous at 8:29 PM
5 Comments:
During the last year my life turned 180 degrees 'cause I ended up in situations where I had to take actual responsibility - both personal and work-wise. Was in shock how you suddenly see yourself taking a supporting role while others become leading actors.
And then an awkward question hit me: Am I growing up?
Every time I get major responsibilities thrown at me I think 'You can't do that to me, I just got outta school!' ...even though it's been a few years. I came to the conclusion that people who can be regarded 'grown up' are those that take responsibility for others. If you don't, you'll stay a child ...well, a child with a huge allowance, that is, but still a child. Still haven't decided if it's a good thing not being the center of my universe once in a while, but if giving up this position gives me a good feeling, I go for it ...even though it means to become a 'grown up' ;-)
i didn't actually think the words 'growing up' until you pointed that out. now you mention it, that's how i felt. i felt like an adult, all of a sudden. there's few times i've truly thought of myself as adult, but that's definitely one. it felt awesome too. i know its just a moment of life, but hey, small things for small minds.
from what i can tell, being the centre of my own universe is perfectly okay, as it expands my options in some ways but other ways narrows them.
I truly hope it's just a moment of life! It does feel good if it's only a 3-minute-cameo, but when that goes on for weeks and you are forced to behave like that, it becomes a little alarming - had to watch a lot of Simpsons episodes to restore the balance ;-)
I'm certainly not ready to be a permanent adult, as for now the limitation you mentioned outweighs the expansion of my options, but who knows, maybe it's a state that sneaks into your life more and more. Not planning of letting that get the better of me, but giving the inner child a break every now and then might not be too bad after all.
a 9 year old boy was colouring in a simple colouring book during class today. for the first time in years, i had this huge urge to go buy coloured pencils and a colouring book and get stuck in myself.
i think there's some things that i'll always be a kid about (eg, the embarrassing story above). but i don't think they have to get in the way of me being a grown-up. it's not like there's a book telling us what 'grown-up' actually looks like. or is there?
This year I bought myself an advent calender and bought some for my colleagues as well. Amazing how people's eyes lit up when you bring a piece of childhood into their day - so we're not alone :-) Hence I don't think the colouring-book-episode is embarrassing - just like the calender it's a sign that people likes to preserve that light-hearted time when you were able to focus on a simple thing like not painting over the line with the world around you vanishing or being curious about what might be behind that next calender window.
...oh, and it seems like there is a book claiming to be able to tell you about the do's and dont's (David Richo - How to be an adult), but I prefer finding out myself ;-)
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