unerasable

i could write a lot about Christmas day, but i can't really be bothered. i'd rather write that for the first time in years, i feel alive again. i don't mean merely breathing and interested. i mean i'm feeling everything i know i've been for years but denied them and disabled the feeling mechanism.

today, i feel vulnerable, excited, lonely, anxious and scared, and it feels great (mostly). i met someone at a friend's foriegn teacher's Christmas party and chatted to her for practically the whole day. from what i can tell, she's very intelligent and she dishes up her heart and passion on a plate. yup, the 2 things i hate seeing in people the most cos that's when i like them unwaveringly.

i haven't 'liked' anyone for a long time. i've liked the idea of some, and the looks of others, but this person i actually talked to for hours is . . . unerasable. that's what i've mastered for some time - erasing personalities quickly. hers isn't going away. a part of me wants it to, but it's the chicken shit part.

i haven't met anyone since moving to Korea, and it's been maybe a year since anyone else has caught my undivided attention. i know i've got good taste in women, evident if you know my ratio for actually getting dates (i don't ask out just anyone). so i can only call and find out if she want's to meet for a drink or something to eat. wish me luck, humility, confidence, divine intervention, . . . . .

so much for being a Christmas grinch, ay? i think i'll happily eat the humbug crap of the last post. the delete button is too much like erasure.