dazed, and loving it

y'know those things you want to avoid, but you do them anyway? and then you are rewarded untold? thus was my saturday.

Lauren was going to an international clinic in central Seoul and i went with her. she had a limited knowledge of the place and she wasn't sure how long she'd be waiting for an appointment. she's been very sick and her symptoms have been pointing towards cancer. i didn't want her to be alone in a hospital dealing with this stuff, so went with her.

i met her in the morning sun by school at 8am. she was sitting on one of the kiddies coin slot rides giggling away when she saw me (a month ago, she had a ride and, being over 3 foot, she had a horrible time). we got onto the subway and headed into Itaewon.

at the clinic, the doctor said Lauren's symptoms were too extensive so she needed to go to a hospital. the doctor provided a map, walking distance, to the university hospital nearby, and we went to that international clinic on the 2nd floor.

Lauren only waited a few minutes before seeing the doctor, while i sat outside worrying uselessly. until this point, i was kind of the guide and keeping busy. now, was the waiting game. i have mixed memories in hospitals. i've seen friends suffering badly, yet i've also had incredible conversations that were funny, heart-wrenching, and life affirming.

Lauren then went for some blood tests, giving me some positive information as i sat nearby. the doctor thought she was more likely suffering from a torn stomach lining (she had stomach surgery a month ago), and said some of her symptoms were less likely to be cancer. from there she had to book an exploritory procedure, and then go for an xray, so i waited outside and was beginning to feel relief and hope she was going to be cured quite easily. she isn't allowed booze or meat for 3 months.

when she came out of the xray room, she had this huge smile on her face. seeing her like that was like a big weight off my shoulders that i didn't realise i'd been carrying. she needed a few minutes to gather her thoughts while i drew a map of how to get to the hospital for her procedure later in the week.

Lauren had her phone out, talking to family, explaining what the doctor had said while i sat outside in the sun, then we walked back up the hill to the restaurants to find something healthy for lunch. we spoke to some kiwis in the pita bread sandwich restaurant for a few minutes, but we were both too emotionally drained to really have any great conversation with them.

the war memorial is walking distance from Itaewon, and we joined the thousands of others basking in the warmth outside. we bumped into some ex-Shihwa teachers and were invited to a bar nearby, so accepted and put Lauren's no-booze to the test. we both drank coke (ok, it was diet coke - don't tell anyone, cos i'm a diet coke addict). great live music had attracted lots of the people from the Chungju Palooza a few weeks ago, and a few of the musicians.

in the bar, it hit Lauren that she may have something seriously wrong with her stomach and wondered what that may mean. frankly, i hadn't thought from that perspective whatsoever. so she had a quiet moment or eight considering how it may effect her life. it was around this moment that i realised just how preoccupied she had been all morning. she didn't kow the way to the subway station when we were at the hosptial.

i took a few photos and then some cops came at around 430pm to turn the music down (yes, it was saturday afternoon).

we left a while later to find something to eat in Itaewon, both opting for no meat, listening to some bands playing outside, much louder than the bar music. in fact, one band was a thrash metal band and the lyrics were all screamed, and, oddly, their audience was aged 3 to 11 and over 35's. after dinner, Lauren saw a pedicure salon/shop/room (whatever).

i wasn't invited (thoughtfully), so i went to a bar and watched a game of rugby. incidentally, i promise all Canterbury fans i will not watch another game this season. they've lost all the games i've seen. chatted rugby for a while, then Brian, Kevin (new teacher) and Jason arrived, on their way to Leyla's farewell party. i was supposed to go, but didn't feel up to it. Lauren arrived and said i looked like i would pass out at any moment so back on the subway we went and laughed ourselves (read: myself) silly all the way home.

instead of taxiing, we walked from the station and talked some more about the day. basically, i was emotionally drained. i could've cried at any moment. i'd gone for a few weeks scared for Lauren, but not really expressing it. this day was ALL ABOUT LAUREN and i was able to forget everything else. it felt awesome.

this is the most fulfilling day i've had in Korea.

shaping world peace

first class of the day, i set a record: 4 kids crying at the same time!

as the class started, i walked in to find 4 girls in tears and one boy looking VERY guilty. these kids are all around 6 or 7 years old.

sat down with them, and started accumulating stories. (all of this simplified from broken English to make it readable)

'i was sitting there then Steve moved my bag and put his bag on my chair then he sat down in my chair' - Sally.
similar stories from other girls about Steve and it was looking quite incriminating.
'i stole their seats,' Steve basically admitted, 'then Nessa put my backpack in the trash can.'
Nessa, through her tears, concurred, adding that Steve retaliated by trashing her bag as well.

okay, so the crying is because of chairs, bags and trash cans?
'yes,' was the reply from them all. at first, i thought it was a mundane thing, but on second thought, this is microcosm of the fabric of society, social disorder etc etc. these kids wanted it resolved!

'Steve, say sorry to Sally and Nessa. Nessa, say sorry to Steve. Okay, anyone else? Oh, Steve, sorry to Alice and Jane. okay? shall we start the lesson then?'

within 20 minutes, they were all laughing and having a great time together, including Steve. i should work at the UN.

that's the way the blind fish circles

this week's been an emotional one. a friend of mine had a major health scare, and i had yet another argument with a fellow teacher, yet to be resolved. was quietly irritated by some other things too and generally feel like i'm reacting to lots of stuff negatively.

started with Lauren's health problems and the need for her to get checked for cancer. saturday brought good news, but the previous few days were pretty scary. i'm not the best at expressing my care (if i can't think of any words, it probably looks like i'm phasing out) and at other times i'm too worried about how things are affecting me to think about anyone else. this was not what Lauren needed and she didn't put up with it either. had a couple of rough conversations, but managed to talk it out.

mid-week at work, a teacher and i had a short argument and we haven't spoken since. i feel that she verbally attacks me whenever something needs to be resolved, instead of just talking about it, and i can't get a word out without her attacking me more. i'm being pretty stubborn, not wanting to start talking to her again, but we need to, i know.

today, a lot of English teachers from Shiwa went to Oggu Park for a picnic and barbecue. beautiful afternoon and lots of kids out playing. one of my students came over with her friends. another Kiwi told me they were annoying her and wanted me to get rid of them, and as i was talking to them, the Kiwi told these kids to piss off. they understood that well enough, so i was instantly pissed off. really got my back up. if we weren't in a public place, fair enough, but it's a park for goodness sake. they had just as much right to be there as us. someone telling a perfectly lovely kid that she doesn't know to piss off seems quite arse.

i avoided her by joining Brian and Ben with a soccer ball, which we were banned from not playing with by the park ranger, so we threw a few shots at the basketball courts. the evening came, people were hungry and it got cold, and as the barbecue was banned by rangerman (fire restrictions), the party moved back to said Kiwi's apartment, and i wasn't particularly keen to join them. woulda felt fake. some regrets, as Brian says it was awesome times, but that's the way the blind fish circles.

Lauren's been telling me i'm pretty passive aggressive. always thought i was anything but, but maybe not. definitely feel it now i've written this. wish i'd told people exactly what was on my mind at the time, although, in fairness, it may have come out as incoherent swearwords and done no-one any great service in free communication.

dusty spring

i'd been going for a few hours when a pang of fear hit me. maybe i had the black lung.

at some stage, the apartment had taken on visual similarity to the garbage scene from Star Wars.
'There's something alive down here.'
'It's your imagination.'
'Something just brushed against my leg!'

we got stuck in and cleaned the place somewhat last night. it went into the wee hours and continued into the not so wee hours. Brian accumulated 12000 won in small coins (about US$13) from sweeping and cleaning his room, which is the exact price of home delivered fried chicken. so that happened at around 2am.

i moved some furniture around in my room so i now have more space. i bought a shelf rack for 16000 won, which was weird. i spent a bunch of time at Emart looking at the selection. the metal racks were too crappy and i wanted something decent, so i went for one of the wood options. i've only got a few more months left, so at first i didn't want to spend the money on something i wouldn't use in the future. somewhere between the shelving displays and the check-out counter, i bought it with intentions to use it again next year.

it felt like a turning point. i actually have 'stuff' here. there's a bike, a helmet, shelves. i bought a new basket for crayons at work too. wow, sometime last night, i got serious about having a future in this country. maybe only for another year, but that's still a year.

oh yeah, my room was really dusty and it's definitely springtime.

Moreu

Chungju Palooza

Saturday

a group of us went to Chungju for a musical evening. 3 hours from little ol' Shiwa, we got to Chungju which was a pretty cool city. some of the streets reminded me of the south side of Wellington city as they snaked around small hills.
before the music night started, Brian and i went for a walk, got lost, and after the subsequent taxi ride, found ourselves here.


we walked back to our hotel and found a restaurant for dinner. with no english menu, no pictures, and us having no clues, a very drunk man came over and translated. having ordered us the spiciest thing on the menu, he sat down and chatted about football, the US - Korean FTA, football, getting married (his wedding is on April 29), football . . .

his friends kept coming over to drag him back to their table, so we said goodbye about 20 times. i kinda wanted him to go away, but at the same time, he was good for a laugh and wasn't hurting anyone. he kept drinking my coke though. yeah, that was it. bastard.

at 9pm-ish we met up with everyone else and went to Chungju Palooza. maybe 80 foreigners (mainly teachers) along with a few Koreans gathered around a campfire with several musicians playing away. i found myself chilling out for the first time in months. 'twas great.

great people, great times until Adam was supposed to play. his guitar wasn't plugged in due to the cops coming to turn off the sound system, and news quickly spread that they were coming back to end the party. so we high-tailed it to a bar and found out later that indeed the cops had come back angrily and wanted to bust some foreign melon (figuratively speaking).

Sunday

Brian, Heidi and i meant to wake up early, but that's when we went to bed. managed to get to Chungju Ho (lake) the next afternoon and took a cruise to the other end and back. i was hoping to see some blossoms. there were a few but not many.



it was quite nice, although a little long for what sights there were to see. H and B taught me how to play gin-rummy(?) which i won twice in a row so we stopped playing that. i was asked a few weeks ago what i love about myself, and one thing is that i seem to have beginners luck a lot. i may not win everything, but when i'm introduced to something, i often have a tendency to pick it up quickly. 'Chance favors the prepared mind.' - Louis Pasteur (don't know who he is, just know the quote).

after the boat trip, we took a pretty bumpy bus trip back to Chungju. with H and B turning greener by the moment, i distracted them by explaining the joys of being a cricket enthusiast. Heidi responded by turning greener.

we headed to Chongju (2hrs from Chungju) that night and found ourselves in a bar area. all we could see of the city was casinos, love motels and bars. Brian quickly branded it a fake city (he's a Simpsons fan).

Monday

woke up early to a very wet day. it was raining heavily as we boarded our bus for Beopjusa Temple and by the time we arrived at the bus station, 30 mins walk from the temple, it looked like this.


it was cold and wet and, well, stink. i was pretty disappointed as i was hoping and expecting the blossoms in the paths around the temple to be in full bloom. Brian and i bought friendship bracelets (it's very difficult to find manly looking beads, i must say) then put that friendship to the test as we debated getting back on the bus or sticking around for the weather to sort itself out. H and B went for a run around the town to see if anything was worth sticking around for, but it was looking pretty glum. back at the fake city, we tried to find something else to do before heading home.

we bought tickets to Suwon (me hoping, still, to see some blossoms). it's near our home town yet none of us had been there. it was quite lovely. there's a fortress wall still surrounding the central city, so we went for a walk around that.





and that was the end of our adventure. i saw a few blooming trees but not to the extent i had hoped. on the bus back to Shiwa, i wondered where this interest in blossoms comes from. i've watched trees blossom over the years and not really care. Christchurch is a great place for such sights. i suppose it's the effect of a long, long winter and maybe realising how i took many things at home for granted. then again, maybe it's because of these pics from Otto. or these.

my own personal kaleidescope

one for the ex-uni students. this game made the rounds during exams a few years ago. classic for good reason!



and Lauren thinks my hair and i look like Bobby from Bobby's World. had a look and wished I looked like this guy! rah!




currently bored while watching the updates from the cricket world cup. i need a hobby at 3am. should take up knitting.

Albert lives

The view from Jo and Kat's old place (Jackie has moved further down the road). ECC is the building i work at, and next door is the building where Kat and Jo work. the ladies moved an apartment across the street as the residents of their building were a little tired of the parties. should've invited them.

I got the orsumest present EVER! Lauren got me some Lego to play with. Y'know those moments you feel your face light up? this was one. say hello to Albert. i reckon he's a robot kinda thing that looks like an animal. Lauren thinks he's a monkey.


I've given up trying to post photo albums to image hosts. whether it's my laptop or my isp, something is not working (Andy, my roomy, has trouble with isp too). Will let people know if i manage to get something online.

In world news, the blossoms are out in southern South Korea and i have a long weekend next week (teacher appreciation day, booyakasha!) so i'm heading to Kwangju or somewhere else to take some photos. and i un-mothballed my bike and have hit 17kms a day so far (i'm pretty unfit). felt a little naked without a helmet so bought one tonight.

more fictionish writing

read part one first

part two

Canterbury, New Zealand, 1986

The noise constant from the waterfall belittled Jason’s sobbing, as though no tears he could muster would compete. He sat on a stool fashioned from a tree stump, staring at his father’s back, hoping to be attended to. As he choked back clusters of phlegm pooling in his throat, his breathing became heavy gasps, as though air could be the only salvation from the dread crawling through his veins.

Philip was climbing on rocks by the pooling water of the falls while Dad placed cold chicken pieces on brown bread, spread out on a small tablecloth on a wooden bench. Jason sobbed louder, thinking his father was ignoring him, but it didn’t draw Dad away from the food preparation.

He looked beyond Dad towards Philip who had found something to throw stones at, and he could no longer wait.

‘Dad,’ he whined.

‘What is it?’

‘Dad,’ he repeated.

‘What?’ Dad asked again as he half-turned, now seeing a red face swollen and in misery. ‘What’re you crying for?’

‘What if we don’t make it home tonight?’

‘Ay?’

‘What if we get stuck up here in the dark?’

‘Don’t worry about that, matey,’ Dad said, showing his watch to Jason. It was 3.30pm. ‘There’s plenty of time in the day yet.’

Philip climbed back down as the sandwiches were distributed and, once spotting Jason’s face, screwed up his own.

‘What’re you crying for?’ he said.

‘He’s okay,’ Dad said, ‘just hungry. Let’s get a move on, boys. Knock this bastard off then get back to town before the game starts!’

Mount Isabel was Dad’s test to see how much these boys could handle. They were old enough to start hiking soon and they’d need to show a bit of guts and strength climbing up a couple of small peaks first. Until this moment, he hadn’t thought they’d ever have a problem, but a shiver went up his spine. It wasn’t a shiver of fear or concern, but rather, a shiver of disgust. These boys may be weak, he thought for an instant.

He packed the backpack and pointed at the trail they were following through the forest that lined the valley, and without so much as a second to reflect on his tears, Jason bounded up the rest area’s path and began running uphill, Philip quickly in tow.

Dad followed them up the trail, the blue sky of early afternoon having turned to grey. As the trees were left behind and the stones and gravel of the summit path beckoned, he came across Philip sitting on a rock with Jason standing before him, hands on hips. Philip looked exhausted.

‘I’ll wait here,’ he said.

‘Oh no you won’t,’ Dad said. ‘C’mon, the best view is always at the top.’

‘But I’m tired.’

‘It’s not far,’ Dad said. ‘It’s just past those mounds over there.’

Philip stood dejectedly, starting to stride like an elephant plodding out of a mud pool. With each step, he could feel anger swelling up in his gut, his heart, his head, and his hands. Why he was being made to go further, he didn’t know. What was the point of this, he didn’t know and he didn’t care. Within a few steps, he vomited his thoughts out.

‘I DON’T WANT TO GO!’ he yelled angrily. “This is stupid.’

‘It’s not stupid,’ Dad said impatiently. ‘You’re doing well, just stop acting up and move.’

The summit wasn’t around the first mound of gravel, and nor was it around the second. Five minutes of climbing went by with Philip feeling his temples thump with anger, frustration and exhaustion.

‘I can’t make it,’ he said angrily to Dad, Jason being further up the hill out of earshot. Dad drew near, looking Philip in the eye.

‘Yes you fucking-well can, now move it.’

Philip was stunned. He’d never heard his father say THAT word before. He looked up as Dad’s jaw hardened and eyes burrowed deep within his soul. And he felt something snap. Mentally. Or emotionally. Or psychologically. Or simply.

He felt his own jaw lock, and his eyes stared into his father’s. His hands clenched into fists and he felt himself breath in fire. Without hesitation, he started running. The wind at the summit buffeted him as he leapt over rocks. His shoes took on stones quickly, but he ignored them as he heard Dad right behind him.

They both passed Jason in moments, rounded another mound, and saw the summit peak directly before them. Philip felt his face spreading into a huge smile as he kept running towards the metallic sign. They arrived side by side laughing together, circling the sign while they caught their breath.

Dad found himself with hands on his knees, smiling and looked up to see Philip with eyes locked on him.

‘Good one, Phil,’ he said.

Philip didn't respond, still breathing fire. He studied the sign, 'Summit, Mt Isabel'. His fists clenched, he used them with one swift motion. The metallic sign earned a new dent from the punch, and Philip stepped away, holding his fists in the air. He screamed to the clouds, an unintelligible, triumphant scream.

my new favourite cartoonist